I need some Help
by Taw2541
Summary: An alternative to Laurel getting help for her problems during Season 2 instead of going to AA meetings.


Laurel was sitting outside in the hallway, she was tapping her foot nervously as the waiting was killing her. Her thoughts were a giant mess and she desperately wished she could have a drink right now, but she had to ignore that feeling right now as dealing with her problems with alcohol was how she got into her current situation. Suddenly, she heard the door opened.

"Hi, Laurel. Come on in." Dr. Annie Green said with a friendly smile. Laurel took a brief look around the room, all movies, and tv shows of shrinks' offices are always kinda small; this one was no exception. Seeing the couch, Laurel took her seat. As Dr. Green sat down in her chair, she turned directly at Laurel. "So what brings you here tonight?"

"Well, first of all, Dr. Green, I want to say thank you for seeing me this late; I know you don't usually take late calls," Laurel said.

"It's not a problem, Laurel, to be honest, I don't either but you sounded rather desperate to meet me as soon possible and in my line of work it's best not to take any chances with that," Annie said.

"I appreciate that," Laurel replied. "As for why I'm here ... well, I honestly don't know where to begin with everything that's wrong with me right now."

"Starting at the beginning is one way to tell a story, but starting with why you're here could be another; it's just a recommendation," Annie explained.

"Well, lately I've been drinking ... a lot ... and sometimes I've even used painkillers to numb myself. Because I have, I've ... I've lost my job and I might even be disbarred as a lawyer." Laurel said slowly and reluctantly. "Some people have said that I'm ... I'm an alcoholic like my father, even my father said so, but ... but I'm not entirely sure I am an alcoholic. I mean, I didn't have a problem with it before but now I do, I know that that can change and I understand that I have a genetic predisposition to alcoholism; but still, I'm not sure I am one."

"Okay, well alcoholism is a self-diagnosed disease. So you doubting that you are one is not unreasonable or delusional, if that's what you were thinking." Annie mentioned.

"Well I wasn't before but thanks for the clarification doc," Laurel said with some sass.

"Tell me Laurel do you know why you've been drinking more recently? Annie asked.

"Well it started with my boyfriend, Tommy Merlyn, he died ... in the Undertaking which his own father caused," Laurel spoke trying not to cry.

"My god, that's ... that's a lot to deal with." Annie said, remembering that she was out of town the night of the earthquake.

"That's not the worst of it. When I said that Tommy was my boyfriend before I should have said that he was my ex-boyfriend. We ... we broke up before he died but ... but a part of me, a big part of me was still in love with him." Laurel explained.

"I'm sorry Laurel, grief ... grief can be a powerful motivator for doing something like excess drinking." Annie remarked.

"That's not the only reason, the night of the quake I ... I was there when I probably shouldn't have been. Tommy, he saved my life and died saving my life, he died because of me." Laurel said now shedding tears.

Taking a few moments before speaking. "What you're describing sounds a lot like survivor's guilt, Laurel. Do you think that that might be why your drinking to cope with the guilt your feeling?" Annie asked her patient.

"Probably, huh, who am I kidding definitely." Laurel acknowledged. "Do you think I have survivor's guilt?"

"It's unwise to diagnosis someone with a disorder, after 1 brief session," Annie told her but wrote down a few notes that Laurel noticed. "Let's go back a bit, Laurel as best as you can recall what exactly is your state of mind when you drink or when you feel like you need a drink."

"Well, it's hard to tell sometimes. Somedays I just a had a glass of Pinot Noir when I wanted to relax and then ... then there were days where I was having a problem, where I was feeling particularly upset about something and just needed something to help me keep myself together so that ... that I could keep going." Laurel explaining as best as she could.

"I see," Annie said writing down another note on her pad. "Before, the quake ... Laurel, how did you handle dealing with your problems?"

"I ... I, huh?" Laurel said confusingly.

"What?" Annie asked.

"I'm just remembering and I don't think I actually been dealing with my problems." Laurel realized.

"Why do you say that?" Annie asked.

"I don't know, it's just when I think about how I dealt with my issues before drinking, most of the time not all but mostly I just put them aside ... focused on my job and helping people. Doesn't sound very healthy now that I say it out loud." Laurel admitted.

"The fact that you're aware of that says something about you. Tell me why do you feel like you need to keep pushing things away?" Annie asked.

"Because that's how I have gotten through with my life these last couple of years, it's how I've survived," Laurel stated.

"Now what do you mean by that?" Annie asked.

"Well, I might as tell you. About 7 years ago I was romantically involved with Oliver Queen before he was presumed dead at sea." Laurel reluctantly said.

"You were involved with Oliver Queen," Annie said and suddenly realized who Laurel was. "Your sister was on the Gambit with him wasn't she?"

"Yep, that's her," Laurel admitted. "When the Gambit went down, I ... I had to deal with not only the pain of losing my sister and the man I thought I was gonna spend the rest of my life with but the fact that they were sleeping together behind me back; I had to deal with anger and the humiliation of having two of the people that I loved most in the world betray me in the worst way that you can imagine! And to top it all off, after that my father turned to alcohol and obsessed over his job, my mother who turns out knew about the affair and didn't speak to me for years because she flat out abandoned me! She just left me, just like Oliver, like Sara, my dad, ... Tommy, they've all left me ... one way or another." Laurel finished, tears falling down on her face, looking up at her Dr. Green who just gazed at her. Laurel realized that what was supposed to be a simple explanation, turned into a bitter, angry, and tearful rant. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout like that.

"No Laurel it's fine, something tells me that you've needed to do that for a while." Dr. Green explained. "Listen, Laurel can you come back to see me tomorrow, around 10 if possible?"

"Why did I scare you off?" Laurel asked curiously.

"No, it's just that we're out of time but I would like to see you again, in fact, I think I should recommend that you should see me again," Annie suggested.

"Would 11 o'clock be okay," Laurel responded slowly.

"That works too." Annie agreed, Laurel stood up and shook her hand before exiting the doctor's office. Annie had a great deal of sympathy for this woman, she had heard of Ms. Lance's reputation as something of a crusader for justice but never imagined to meet her in person. Although it was only a single session, Annie felt she might have a good guess as to what was going on with Laurel's psyche at the moment and hoped that she could help her realize what she suspected.

* * *

Laurel was back on Dr. Green's couch at 11 just as they discussed last night, Laurel was rather quiet as she didn't speak up immediately.

"So, Laurel how are you this morning?" Annie asked.

"Fine, I guess," Laurel said but wasn't entirely sure.

"Laurel, please don't resent me for saying this but have you had a drink this morning? I won't judge if you did." Annie questioned.

"No, but I would be lying if I said I didn't think about it," Laurel said.

"Okay, good. Listen, Laurel, I would like to talk about what you said the other night, about how you felt you need to push your problems aside to survive." Annie recalled.

"What about it?" Laurel asked.

"Well, Laurel how long have done this? When did it start? Was it after the incident on the Gambit?" Annie questioned.

"I think so," Laurel admitted.

"Would you describe to me what exactly did you feel after that and everything that followed," Annie stated.

"I was numb, I mean I felt anger absolutely and grief of course but ... but mostly I just felt numb, because there was just too much anger and heartache for me to do either." Laurel explained.

"I thought so. Listen, Laurel, I want you to consider something for a moment." Annie said leaning forwards from her chair towards her patient. "Laurel, I can't imagine what it must have been like for you to discover something so hurtful during a moment of huge loss, but to survive that and everything else that came after it you dealt with it by not dealing with it. You pushed all that aside because at the time you felt like you needed too and who wouldn't. But over the years, you just kept doing that with every problem, the thing is though the more you keep shoving things down the sooner those problems start to build up until eventually, you explode." She stated. "I think that your current drinking might be just another way to help you keep your problems buried rather than actually confront them."

Laurel just sat quietly at the moment thinking about what the doctor said and she might have been on to something. She thought back to what Oliver said to her about how she liked to pretend that the problems she was facing in her life didn't get to her, that she didn't want people to know how much pain she was in, how lonely she feels, and how unloved she has felt these last couple of years. She wanted people to see her as this strong, smart, and beautiful woman who had it all together, but she wasn't ... at least not anymore. "So ... so, what am I supposed to do about that? I mean, am I supposed to just admit how broken and weak I am on the inside." She said finally speaking up.

"Laurel the only way to get better and grow strong again is by trying to heal yourself. In fact, there's an old saying that those who break can grow back even stronger than they were before." Annie stated. "And, Laurel from what I've seen and heard about you; you are strong, after everything you've endured how can you not be."

Laurel found comfort in those words because they were true, at one point in time she knew they were true, and maybe someday they can be again. "Would um ... would um, it be okay if I talked to you about something that's been bothering me lately?" She asked.

"Of course," Annie replied as she then listened to Laurel talk about how her sister, Sara, was alive again and how she viciously yelled at her for all the pain she felt Sara caused her and their parents these last couple of years. She also talked about she later learned that her sister was once more becoming involved with her ex-boyfriend, Oliver. Laurel also explained that her anger to this revelation and Oliver angrily confronting her afterward about her reaction to it is what brought to Annie's office door.

* * *

A few weeks had passed since Laurel started going to see Dr. Green, or Annie as she was now, as Laurel grew comfortable talking to her; sometimes it felt she wasn't talking to a shrink but a friend. These past few weeks have been able to help her repair her relationship with everyone, Laurel may not be a drunk but she did need to make amends to her father and Oliver. Even things between her and Sara, now back from the dead, are good now after an "understated rocky start."

"So how are you doing today, Laurel?" Annie asked.

"I'm good today. Though, I wish I wasn't here today." Laurel said.

"Why do you say that?" Annie asked.

"Well, I've been coming here almost every day of the week and ... and I know that I need to, I know it's been good for me. But, I really wish I could go back to my job; because I really miss being a lawyer, I miss helping people. Coming here, it's ... it's like coming here to keep myself preoccupied because outside of this room I have nothing to do." Laurel clarified.

"Well, there's still hope if you haven't been disbarred," Annie stated.

"I guess. I hope your right." Laurel replied.

"Laurel tell me do you think you're depressed?" Annie asked.

"What, what brought that on?" Laurel asked with a little surprise.

"I've noticed that you have a lot of the symptoms of someone struggling with depression. You've shown many of the signs such as feeling profound sadness, feeling empty and hopeless. Based on the stories you've told me, you've had anger outbursts, your irritable and frustrated even at small things, lost in interests in little things since you seem to always want to do something just to feel occupied. There are also studies that describe a form of high-functioning depression. In which the subject often feels like they're faking it on some level, not being a there best self, and often feel tired getting through the day." Annie explained. "Any of this sound familiar?"

"Yes, yes it does. So what am I going to do about it, pills?" Laurel asked.

"Well, that depends. Tell me do you think our sessions are helping you?" Annie asked.

"I think so. I mean I haven't had anything to drink in almost a month and I feel like sometimes if I had just one drink I could stop. But I'm not sure if I need pills at the moment." Laurel told her. "But if that changes, I'll let you know. I'm done pretending that I'm alright all the time, even when I'm not." She finished with a genuine smile.

"That's good here," Annie replied.

* * *

**Author's Notes: Dr. Annie Green is a character from DC Comics, who acted as Black Canary's therapist after she was viciously tortured by a serial killer.**

**Awhile back, I came across this article that talked about the "Psychology of Inspirational Women"; one article on this topic focused on Laurel Lance. As the article talked about Laurel's state of mind during Arrow Season 2, it suggested that she may not be suffering from Alcoholism but Major Depression. Which symptoms include the following: feeling sadness, tearfulness, emptiness, hopelessness, angry outbursts, irritability, frustration even at little things, loss of interest in little things, tiredness and lack of energy, reduced appetite, and feelings of worthlessness. Doing a little research on my own I found High Functioning Depression which includes feeling like you're pretending to be someone else, not being at your best performance, and getting through bad days feels exhausting.**

**Reading that article, remembering Laurel's behavior in Season 2, and doing my own research about depression, I think a strong case can be made that Laurel suffers from Depression rather than alcoholism. Personally, I never really felt that Laurel was an alcoholic and her struggling with depression makes more sense the more I think about and as someone who has also struggled with depression, I know how difficult it is to cope with it. Looking back on Quentin, I also wonder if he also struggles with depression as well. It is something to certainly consider.**


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